Harry Potter and The Trolling of the Prophet
by CelticDragonLadyWarrior
Summary: Hermione, tired of the hate spread by Rita Skeeter's article, decided to take matters into her own hands. With the help of students, both past and present, she gives Rita a scoop to destroy her credibility.


The headline of the latest edition of the Witch Weekly practically leapt off the page as the students of Hogwarts, Beauxbatons, and Durmstrang excitedly shared the newest gossip courtesy of Rita Skeeter. The headline read "HARRY POTTER'S SECRET HEARTACHE!" According to the article, the Harry Potter had found himself entangled in a love triangle with his girlfriend Hermione Granger, and the famous Viktor Krum.

"Can you believe it?!" A third year Hufflepuff said. "Harry Potter and Hermione Granger! A couple!"

"No way!" A fourth year Slytherin replied. "And they managed to drag THE Viktor Krum into their little affair?"

All around the Great Hall, students chattered about this latest article, debating its accuracy and wondering just how long the supposed couple had been together.

After discovering the article, and listening to the taunts and jeers of classmates, Hermione was understandably upset.

"How dare she write something so completely ridiculous!" She shouted, tearing a copy of the article to shreds.

As the trio wandered towards the Great Hall for lunch, they began to hear all the theories their classmates had about the article.

"If she really is toying with both boys," a fifth year Ravenclaw said, "who's to say Harry isn't toying with her as well?"

"What if he's been running off and meeting with other girls?" Asked a small second year Gryffindor. "Maybe that's why she's turned her attention to Krum!"

"What if he's been meeting with boys instead?" a second year Slytherin questioned, nudging his Gryffindor friend. "I imagine that would be quite the shock!"

As the students laughed, Hermione paused, a mischievous grin forming as she turned to face Harry and Ron.

"I've got a brilliant idea," she said, "to give Ms. Skeeter a taste of her own medicine."

The boys grinned, and Ron said, "What do you have in mind?"

"A campaign to destroy her credibility… at least as far as this story goes." Hermione said, glancing around the Great Hall, "But we're going to need some help."

After a quick explanation, the trio set about recruiting as many people as possible. After several days of talking with students, and explaining just how incorrect the article was, the trio found they had managed to recruit quite the force. They had convinced all of the other champions, the entirety of Slytherin house, every student who was not injured or ill, including the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students, Oliver Wood, who was visiting to watch the Triwizard Tournament, and even Professor Snape. The trio were stunned that he would agree, but it was completely clear that everyone was tired of Rita Skeeter and her embellished articles.

When Rita Skeeter made her rounds at Hogwarts, looking for even the slightest bit of gossip to turn into a column, she came across Hermione in the hall.

"Ah, Miss Granger," she said, a devilish twinkle in her eye, "how are you enjoying your newfound fame? Still toying with poor Harry Potter?"

Her acid green quill excitedly twitched above a floating piece of parchment, eagerly awaiting a quote it could change to suit Rita Skeeter's sensationalist style.

Hermione grinned in response and said "Oh of course! I'm still with the boy who lived, but it's not like I'm the only one!"

As Rita eagerly leaned forward, Hermione lowered her voice to a conspiratorial whisper and said, "He's also been with Draco Malfoy, most of Gryffindor House, and the other champions!"

"This is most unexpected; I shall have to investigate this myself!" Rita muttered to herself as she hurriedly rushed off to find more people to interview about this revelation.

Hermione grinned, sending off a signal to the others, and went on her way.

Rita Skeeter found the other three champions in the halls near the entrance to the school grounds. Racing up to them, she asked, "Is it true? Have you been with Harry Potter, intimately?"

Victor Krum spoke up first. "Yes, I did the Potter."

Next was Fleur Delacour, who said, "Of course, 'Arry is so lovely!"

Cedric Digory looked uncomfortable. Despite agreeing to the plan, he was very uncomfortable with lying. After a few false starts, he said, "I showed him some nice stuff in the bath."

As Rita raced off to gather more statements, she called in some additional reporters from the Daily Prophet to help. She decided to interview all of Slytherin house, while she set Andy Smudgley and Betty Braithwaite to interview the Gryffindors.

Coming across a few fourth year Slytherins, she asked, "Is it true that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are, shall we say, intimately involved?"

The group laughed. Their leader, a raven-haired boy, said "Potter and Malfoy are always going at it!"

The blonde girl next to him nodded and said, "Everyday, they go at it like angry grindylows!"

Twin brunettes nodded their agreement and said, in unison, "It never ends! Just when you think they're going to give it a rest, they go at it again!"

All of her interviews with the Slytherins continued in this manner until, finally, she managed to track down Professor Severus Snape himself.

"Ah, Professor, have a moment? Of course you do, now," she said, not allowing Snape to get a word in edgewise, "Can you tell me if Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are involved?"

"Potter and Malfoy are often at each other," Snape said, scowling at Rita and her irritating quill, "They become rather…. Disruptive."

With those final, suggestive, words, Snape left swiftly and silently as Rita set about compiling her notes to write a new article.

Meanwhile, Andy Smudgley set off to find Oliver Wood as Betty Braithwaite started interviewing Gryffindors.

Betty came across Fred and George Weasley first, asking, "Sources say you have been intimately involved with Harry Potter. Is this true?"

Fred and George grinned, saying in unison, "At the same time."

Just behind the twins were Luna Lovegood and Neville Longbottom. Racing towards them, Betty asked, "And you? Have you been intimate with Harry Potter?"

Luna smiled her dreamy smile and said "Harry truly is amazing. He is always gentle with us." Neville, trapped like a deer in the headlights behind Luna, nodded looking absolutely mortified.

Andy Smudgley, after reaching Hogsmeade, quickly found Oliver Wood. Introducing himself, he said, "Sources say you have been intimately involved with Harry Potter. Care to comment?"

Wood grinned, beckoned the reporter closer and said, "Let's just say that he can ride more than just a broom." With a wink, he left the stunned reporter and set about wandering the village.

Back at Hogwarts, Betty Braithwaite came across Ginny Weasley on her way to the quidditch pitch. Hurriedly she said, "Pardon me! Sources say you have been intimately involved with Harry Potter. Is this true?"

Ginny laughed, and said, "Let's just say that his being able to catch the snitch with his mouth was not a coincidence!" With a mischievous smile, she directed Betty's attention to Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were returning to the castle.

Betty quickly stopped the pair and asked, for what felt like the thousandth time that day, "Sources say you two have been intimately involved with Harry Potter. Is this true?"

With identical grins, the duo looped their arms around each other's shoulders and said, in unison, "He made us gay!" The duo winked then raced off down the hall.

The following day, the Daily Prophet became the laughingstock of Hogwarts as the newest article by one Rita Skeeter proclaimed the various escapades of one Harry Potter and his seemingly countless lovers.


End file.
